Surrender at Lunch

How wrong can your lunch choice be? As I learned today, It can be pretty messy.
I ended up in a soup today because I didn't get my lunch choice right.

Eat it!

To add a bit of a background, Our local cafe has closed for renovation and we rely on Food trucks for our sustenance. Almost always the trucks are good- Indian, Mexican, Thai, Burgers etc. Those who prefer more traditional way, they have setup a tent which serves chef made menu. The tent also has the proverbial salad bar. This is usually the last resort for me.

Today I scanned  through the available options but nothing seemed to call me. With a heavy heart I entered the tent. I made a note to set my food expectation levels to a minimal bar. But what they served me next, wasn't even on my expectation horizon.The chef must have made this item in some trance like state.
They served me with a strange combination - Stuffed Chicken breast, brown Rice and cucumbers.
I waited patiently for another item to arrive. "Enjoy your meal Sir", came the reply from the counter.
I looked at the items carefully. I tried a little game of permutation and combinations, but nothing seemed to fit.
Cucumbers with rice - nope. Chicken with brown rice - I gave this a try, but after a few jabs, I left the chicken in piece. Chicken with Cucumbers - I closed the lid. In my entire life, I haven't had to face this kind of embarrassment.  I just couldn't eat the damn thing :(

After spending 1/2 hour contemplating to be or not to be hungry, I decided enough is enough. I went to the food trucks - again, and picked up the 1st food truck. They gave me noodles. mmmmm, it looked good and so was the aroma coming from the mini-kitchen. Without spending much time, I opened the metal wrap.
Behold! As soon as the 1st spoonful went into my mouth, I realised that I'd made a grave mistake - 2nd time in a day! I could've rather eaten rubber tube with a gusto, but these "noodles"! Noodles were they not. I made 3 brave attempts of swallowing those engulfed little wicked things, but my brain knocked off after the third attempt.

2/2 : I mean, what is the probability of getting inedible food 2 times in a row? may be it's not as low as I assumed.
After wasting my precious dollars on human served food, I turned towards the ultimate choice of a hungry individual - the Vending machine.

Sachin Mania

We, Indians have a great fetish - of going over the top. We've done it on numerous occasions and we continue to do it. And sometimes the effects are of staggering proportions. Latest victim of this syndrome is -
Sachin Tendulkar

He's one of the finest players to have played the game. Sachin has been on Indian cricket turf for more than 20 years now. He entered as a wonder-boy, steered our Cricket team's ship as the ever bankable batsman and evolved into a mature batsman.
But off late, he's been given an entirely new status - The so called "GOD" of cricket. It's an interesting phenomenon, the root of which is based on absolutely little truth. I have nothing against Sachin, I love to see him bat. But this "God" phenomenon has alienated me -and other cricket lovers from the batsman we love to watch.
Sachin is no more a batsman. He's been turned into a messiah. He is the God of cricket. He's the best of the best of the best. Indian cricket is incomplete without him. He deserves Bharat Ratn. Everywhere in media, you see unanimous statements glorifying Sachin. It's almost a competition out there- who can glorify Sachin more.
Lets get some facts straight -

1. Sachin Tendulkar is a batsman who plays a game called cricket.
2. He is ranked amongst the best batsmen of all times.

If we analyze him thru the cricketing perspective, that's awesome. Let's talk about why is that so. I'm all ears for this sort of conversation and coverage. But we've reached to the other end already. We've declared him to be the pinnacle of sportsmen in India, and anything spoken about him other than praise is considered blasphemy. Why has this happened?

The reasons can vary, but some of the main reasons for this outrageous bombardment of Sachin mania could be

• Bite Hungry Media - Sachin is an everlasting golden egg for Media. They can never ever run out of Sachin news. Whether he's on the field of off the field. They'll always make money by using him.
• Corporate houses - Associating yourself with India's leading cricket player has its perks. But associating yourself with Nation's most beloved personality who happens to be the God of cricket has immense profits. Sachin is a gold mine  for advertising.
• Gaining Popularity- Mention his name in your book, review, interview - and you're ensured of instant publicity. This can be tied to point1- media picks up anything and everything that is Sachinified.

As a result, the cricket fans & more importantly Sachin fans and fanatics have been thriving on this media mantra of Godhood. They have been fed a falsified statement from all sorts of media outlets - TV, newspapers, magazines. It has built this tremendous larger than life image of Sachin, which is hard to deny. It's almost as if people eager to embrace this glorified image rather than the actual man himself.
Hence we no more talk about how beautifully he played, how his straight drives were thrilling and how the leg glance was mesmerizing. We constantly chirp about his 100th 100, how he's become leading run scorer, how is it impossible for anyone to break his records and so on. The man whom we all love, is now slowly vanishing and a bloated media created image is taking its place.

I'm fed up with this Johnson & Johnson Sachin. I want my Sachin back.

Mohabbatein = 3 hour long "LOL + WTF" moments

This is not a review. This is  myself under observation after completing this movie.


 Movie name : Mohabbatien.
Duration : 216 minutes.
By the time I completed the movie, I realized that my beard had grown 2 millimeters, Mr. Atal bihari Vajpayee had completed a scentence and Ram Gopal Verma had finished making his latest movie.


Seriously, What  was I thinking? probably it's due to some pseudo masochist instincts in my subconscious mind. What else can make me launch a never ending  self inflicted pain moving at 24 fps?
Anyhow, I ended up watching "Mohobbatein". For those who love the movie (really?), please stop reading. For those who haven't watched the movie, please watch it. And for those who have watched the movie and love to loathe it,please continue.
 Bachhan Sir- with all due respect, I counted the scenes in which your facial muscles moved. I couldn't go beyond 10. What's with the poker face? You were supposed to look a stern and disciplined person on the screen, Not a Godzilla masquerading as a teacher.

SRK- take him out of Kabhi haan kabhi naa, put him in DDLJ, take him out for Dil Toh paagal hai, Put him into .... you get the idea.He clearly steals the show with 1/2 inch wide eyebrow moments, hands stretched further apart than kanoon and the dimples on his chin in almost all the scenes excluding the ones where he's not on the screen.

3 Monkeys of Yash Chopra - Raj Sir said go out of college. Done.
Raj sir said go and propose to girls. Done.
Raj sir said f#$# off. Done.
Even 

3 scantily clad females - The costumes these girls wear, either have a neckline sinking faster than Titanic, or they wear something which exposes a healthy portion of their bosom. And in 1 of the LOL moments, the girl feels "ashamed" because she's her boyfriend throws her in swimming pool which "exposes" her flesh to ogling eyes of YRF's camera.
PS - Kim Sharma, are you real? I thought of her as an earliest attempt to create an android wrapped in female shape.

The professor standing in 1st line during Gurukul Assembly - Nothing about him. I thought I'd just mention him in this blog piece because I'm 100% sure no one has ever mentioned him.

Here are some genuine WTF moments -

• Any scene comprising of Amitabh Bachhan. Just look at his face.
• SRK and Aishwarya song - SRK looks like a vampire. What's wrong with the lips? Did he have ketchup for breakfast or they accidentally put Aish's make-up on SRK?
• Any scene involving Uday Chopra- Making fun of him is a compliment. The one who couldn't act, can never act and shall not be allowed  to act. For a complete reference to Uday Chopra's acting career, visit this link
• Scene where Uday Chopra meets his female companion and they start dancing "passionately".
• The making of Mohobbatein - Do watch this one to understand that this wasn't a random event in history of known universe. This madness was planned and sponsored  act of heinous intentions.
• Aren't you tired by now?

 1 line summary of Mohabbatien-"Several LOL moments and WTF scenes during a ham-act feast attended by Mr. Bachhan AKA poker face, Mr. SRK aka psycopath lover turned pied piper, and 3 monkeys of Yash Chopra dancing with 3 scantily clad females in ever present alaaps of Lata Mangeshkar."

Dev D - a musing

I first saw Dev D in the early spring days, late at night. The copy wasn't good and I had to re-run thru some of the scenes.

but love at first sight had happened.Since then I've watched the movie almost 20 times, and it has become a part of me now. Yet I can't get enough of it. There are some very original and Indian themes in this movie.

Songs - The movie is narrated in songs. Songs convey the expressions, emotions and in case of Chanda- most of her life. Unlike the typical Bollywood movies, Songs do a wonderful thing here; they create a link with the characters. Paro initially tells her story thru "dhol yaara dhol" and "Hiknaal". Dev's bitterness is revealed thru "Mahi menu" and "Emosanal Atyachar". Dev's swirling ride in drugs and alcohol takes place via "Pardesi"(most beutiful of the lot). "saali khushi". his moments of truth come in "Duniya" and "ek halchal". Chanda's story is entirely told by the songs - "Yehi meri zindagi", "payaliya", "Dev and Chanda theme" etc. The songs become one with the movie. They set an example how songs should be used in a movie.

• Use Local settings - A deliciously picturesque Punjab unfolds the initial half of Dev D. the characters speak mixed Punjabi-hindi. As Dev moves to Delhi, the underbelly of old Delhi is uncovered thru each passing moment. Small time characters like Lodge owner, the receptionist, vendor at steaming Momos and The cheap lodge itself - help revealing Dev's downfall. All of this is accomplished using set pieces of Dev's lodge, Old Delhi and Chanda's penthouse(!).
• Pinchful of randomness - the Scene in the bus where Dev eats the old lady's bus ticket, Dev's goggles, Lodge owner and chunni's conversations, Entire "Duniya" song. Or the trio of performers watching Dev's life like Brahma Vishnu and Mahesh! Things like this bring an eerie notion to the movie. Dev's life balances on the borders of sanity and insanity, and these scenes provide us a glimpse of Dev's insane dreamy world.
• Camera work - I think this is self explanatory. I find it epitomized in the "Pardesi" song. The song gives me high without getting drunk. Masterpiece!

Dev D symbolizes a major milestone in Bollywood and sets a record so high that it's worth attempting to break.

Which, no doubt will be broken soon, so I hope sincerely.

Para-normal Activity and us !

It must've been a cursed moment when my room mate(Nadu) thought of watching horror movie "Paranormal Activity -2" in theatre. Now this guy who normally watches any and all Hindi movies, suggested this English movie with such an enthusiasm that I had no other option to say yes. I was tempted to ask him the reason but this sudden transition from Bollywood to Hollywood was rather pleasing so I kept my curiosity at bay.

It was definitely a cursed moment when a thought occurred to me of calling my 2nd friend, Narsi.
Since he had been down with cold for quite some time now, it would be a good change for him as well. Of course he said yes. Not only that, he appeared quite bubbling and energetic contrary to his dormant state of affairs.
"Sure, lets go. I'm tired of sleeping all day anyways", were the actual words uttered.
Let me pause for a moment while the reader notes this point very well.

At the Theatre
===========
We established ourselves in the theatre. Movie started.
Nothing happened for 5 minutes...
I was okay. Narsi was okay. Nadu was okay.
Nothing happened for 10 minutes...
I was okay. Narsi was playing with his iPhone. Nadu was probably busy in checking out the babe in the movie.
Nothing happened for 20 minutes...
I was still okay.(I've seen worse)
Narsi was now immersed in iPhone. (die Apple, die)
Nadu was probably busy in wondering whether this was a horror movie or not.

And then it started - so called "shocking" scenes. On the first of such "shock", I was truly shocked ! but not because of the movie, it was because of Narsi ! He was sleeping peacefully amongst all those screams and shattering sounds. I nudged him and he woke up.
"What happened?" asked Mr. sleepy.
"The closet door opened just like that ! and all glasses were shattered !", I replied.
"Okay," said Narsi and went back to being sleepy!
Now here's the point - it really sounds stupid when you try to explain a "scary scene" to someone. And it definitely doesn't help if the subject is a sleepy individual who responds with "oh, OK. Never mind." kinda response.
Things kept happening and I found them more and more stupid as I kept telling Narsi -
"Hey, look - the baby's getting lifted in mid air"
"Wow, Narsi - the lady's being dragged by no one!"
"Holy @%^#, did she just kill them??"

All these exclamations died in 3 milliseconds after being born when I thought of explaining them to Narsi.

However, the true horror came towards the end of the movie, when I realized that Narsi might have been snoring for some time now. THAT moment, for me - was scary!

Technology Wars

It's been a quarter now that I'm in Seattle-Redmond. Working for one of the Giants of software has its own benefits and pitfalls. But what makes it really interesting is the times, and boy, they're changing fast!
Firstly there's this comparison in Google Vs Apple Vs Microsoft. It's like Mahabharata - but with 3 parties in it! Each company has its forte in a specific field. Google is lion of Web, Apple is the king of device skies, and Microsoft rules the deep waters of Operating systems and Office products. But is it really that?

Microsoft is fighting everyone at every front! they're fighting OS wars, Web-search wars, Phone wars, Developer product wars, Entertainment and Gaming wars - you name it! Lately it's been a war of worlds - especially in the cloud domain. I see Microsoft embracing all technologies and all aspects that software has to offer.

On the other hand, I'm not so sure about Apple. They create fabulous (fantabulous!) hardware and kick-ass apps. But sorry, that's it! They're not embracing the world- with open (read:google) and not so open(read: Microsoft) standards, but rather they're shrinking deep within their cocoon. In the days of seamless interaction of web and devices, I'm not sure how they're going to survive in the long years of "Cloud based" software.

Google has it's own story. It's an exciting company that keeps the world guessing with their innovative(and slightly irritating) technologies. They're definitely embracing the brave new world, with both hands.

Whatever it is- the times are exciting and I can already hear the war cries.
Hau !

"Would you lilke it spicy, sir ?"

It looked very tempting.
Me and my friend , we were sitting at the table, our mouths watering like Mumbai streets on the night of 26th of July. If I tell you that we are "Recently graduated students who have found the dream job" type of species, the reason would not allude you for a split second.
Being a grad student, only thing which we dreamed about (other than the GPA of course) was good food. So here we were - sitting in an Indian Restaurant - inhaling the beautiful aroma of Indian food - which unfortunately lasted till we took a spoonful.

But let me tell you from the beginning. To cut Dravid's innings into Sehwag's, we were hungry and realised that within spitting distance from our apartment, there exists an Indian Restaurant.
So we marched on and ordered a vegetable Biryani.
"How spicy sir?", was the next question from our western friend who had trouble pronouncing Biryani.
"Make it real spicy", was our brisk reply. We spent considerable time in making fun of so called spicy food in US of A. According to my friend, calling Western food spicy was equivalent to calling Nirupa Roy an Item girl. (Refer: Nirupa Roy, Wiki)

Ah! Birayani came rather quickly. I took a spoonful and started eating it. But my joy lasted for a mere millisecond. the thing was HOT. H-O-T.
In fact, I was almost going to call out for fire brigade!
What the devil they had put into the preparation I dare not imagine, but it certainly brought my intestine to a pit stop. tears flew towards my eyes as my brain started analyzing the damage. What on earth was that? I somehow continued to eat the chilly'd rice, but one department of my brain was already working on possible cause behind this hopeless recipe.

I could come up with few guesses -
A) the waiter had heard our "funny" comments about western spicy food and had decided to settle the question once and for all.

B) We must've looked like real Spartans to the chef, who decided to test latest weapon in his armory on us.

C) Possibly ISI was involved in this incident.

D) !!!!%#$^%#^^&*%^&

I "Love" new Indian Cinema!!

"Main.... tumhare bachhe ki maa banane wali hoon"

"revolver phek do .. maine kahan revolver phek do "

"Khandaan ki izzat"

These are a thing of past. They are prehistoric. These days hindi films have transferred from Formula number "Dance-song-love-fight" to Formula number "there is no formula".
I notice few very significant changes.

1. Songs- they are not merely melodies meant to be put for lover's assistance. Songs actually carry films forward. Songs have always been a strength of Indian cinema but very few directors used them effectively. (Gurudatt, Gulzaar and sometimes Hrishikesh Mukharjee)
But those days have passed. Finest example of movie carried entirely by songs? - Dev D

2. Regional languages and characters - Historically all characters in Bollywood used to speak "Hindi" - as if India didn't have other regions and people living in it!
Now we have a marathi speaking "babubhai", and panjabi speaking "DJ" in Rang de Basanti, Cosmopolitan Bombay's Parsi and so on. Even the characters speak "real time lingo" and not some urdu dictionary. Amazing. This is what India is about - Diversity. And it is reflecting.

3. Acting and direction - People are acting. Days of stardom seem to be over. Some of the finest performers are setting the screen on fire and directors are willing to experiment.

Bravo !

PS - this post is a result of sudden overwhelming sense of pride.

Gods of our choice

Ell and Sill were late for the work. There were no two ways about it - either you made it on time or you were late. No negotiations existed in the corporate. Company's rules were simple - do the work properly and get fed, else join the queue wait for higher management's decision.

Ell locked his quarters and hurriedly moved out of the apartment. Sill was struggling to keep up the pace. Finally they were out of the quarters and large queue of corporate was moving like a silver chord shining in bright sunlight.

"I didn't know today would be working day, after all that happened yesterday.", Sill remarked angrily, adjusting her position in the queue.

"Oh, come on. What do you expect? Her Majesty would declare a day off for such a trivial accident? Remember the disaster in mines a few years back? They didn't even declare it as accident." Ell snapped at her. He was looking rather bored.

"Trivial accident? It was Gods wrath. people who died had made a terrible mistake of leaving our lands and Gods punished them. That's why I say you should always visit the temple ...", Sill muttered in Ell's ears. She had a worrisome look on her face.
"Now don't you start again lady. We're fine. Just let the week unroll and there'll be plenty of food in quarters. We are going to have a rocking time ahead."

The queue was moving rather slowly today. Perhaps there was another accident somewhere ahead in the territory of corporate. Ell and Sill never knew what was outside the boundary of corporate. It was place of Gods and only Gods could stay there. Sometimes Gods did visit the corporate, but the visits were unpredictable and Mostly hostile. Corporate had devised a defensive mechanisms against the Gods, but it was futile to fight against the Gods.
Gods were omnipotent. They could destroy entire corporate if they wanted to. Ell had heard stories of such corporates being destroyed on regular basis. He had once seen an entire corporate being destroyed by a powerful earthquake - definitely an act of Gods. Ell and his companions were lucky to survive in their current settlement for months now. The food was plentiful and temperature was not a problem. Her majesty had declared this as a safe place and corporate was working all time to complete the requirements. Everyone worked 24x7 to complete the assigned tasks. Soon the works would be completed and the corporate would relax for a while, but no one had a respite till then.

"Watch out Ell-----", Sill cried with horror as she saw the one of the Gods approaching the corporate. This had never happened earlier. Gods never left the heavens. But something was wrong- people was committing horrible sins these days. Even the priest in the temple had warned of such an apocalypse in future. This was the day.

The queue suddenly disappeared. Everyone was running for defensive shelter in the main Corporate house. Sill made it to the nearest block, but before Ell could come into the shelter ---
She saw Ell getting lifted high into air. One of the Gods had picked up Ell as a sacrifice. Sill could not control herself, she watched helplessly as Ell soon went high in the air and went out of her sight.
*******
"Henry, put it down.", said an affectionate voice of a mother as she ran to catch her 3 year old son. While running around the front lawn he had moved near the garage. In his tiny little fingers was a black ant struggling to escape.

Dream catcher !

I'm planning to undertake a new experiment - dream catching.
It's a simple thing and yet very unnatural. Let's not go into the scientific realm of dreams and keep it simple. Dreams are very interesting, but short lived. We never make a conscious effort to remember them.
Hence I thought it would be a good experiment to catch some of them live, and note them down. May be reading them later could be fun!
So far I've recorded half a dozen and I'm improvising it already. I've back-traced a few dream segments. Here are few of my goals -

1. I should be able to track down my dreams in detail - as much as possible. Minute details like colors, texture and faces of people whom I meet.
2. Try to remember more dreams, quantitatively. See how far I can go back in time.
3. Try to remain conscious while I'm dreaming. This sounds crazy, but it's possible. This would present a totally new point of view.
4. Finally, try to see if I can change the dreams.

While noting down the dreams, I plan to remain honest about it !

I have a long way to go, especially considering my wake up procedure. I tend to stay in bed for quite some time, and the dreams decay rapidly.
Never the less this sounds fun. I'm expecting some good results in a month or so.

Source of inspiration - "Surely you are joking Mr. Feynman", autobiography of Richard Feynman

Ram Gopal Verma (se) Darna Zaroori hai !

Ramu, take it easy.
You started it with "Ram gopal Verma ki aag". I kept silence, thinking its an unforced error from a top seed player. Though I saw the movie on a pirated copy in a Volvo - It made me feel cry. I couldn't bear the resemblance of "Sambha and Tambe","dhanno and ghungaroo." Mohanlal just couldn't fit in. With such a flawed dialogue delivery, I kept thinking that Babban must have cut Narsimha's toungue. Any ways, I admired your guts Ramu and pardoned this sin of yours.

But then you came up with a so called horror film - "Darling". this time I just had 1 question.
"Why Ramu, Why?". "तुमने ऐसा क्यों किया हमारे साथ, क्यों~??" . the film was not horror film, instead it was a filmy horror! Esha Deol as an actress is scary enough, then why go and extra mile and make her a ghost? Fardeen Khan - Amen. Even a broomstick can show some facial expressions but not Fardeen. His face remains as plain as his father Feroz's bald head. And the over all film - it wasted my 30 Rs. movie ticket. It was then I had a doubt that Ramu, you're loosing it.

The camera Angles in Sarkar raj confirmed my doubts. The camera was placed at most unusual places - in a corner, near fan, overhead and probably everywhere. "Agyat" was the second last nail in camera's coffin. The camera movements felt like a worm struggling for its last breath. I shall not insult the blogger community by discussing "Agyaat" here.

"Rann" completed the weird camera movement trilogy. What a sheer waste of camera! Ramu,
there is one scene in which I literally struggled to see an actor - It was supposed to be Rajat kapoor. Only things I spotted in the scene were - an object similar to a leg, a sofa and fan roaring at full speed. Artistic? Experimental?

I am eagerly waiting for the next film Ramu, at least it would save me my Ophthalmologist's diagnosis fees.