I "Love" new Indian Cinema!!

"Main.... tumhare bachhe ki maa banane wali hoon"

"revolver phek do .. maine kahan revolver phek do "

"Khandaan ki izzat"

These are a thing of past. They are prehistoric. These days hindi films have transferred from Formula number "Dance-song-love-fight" to Formula number "there is no formula".
I notice few very significant changes.

1. Songs- they are not merely melodies meant to be put for lover's assistance. Songs actually carry films forward. Songs have always been a strength of Indian cinema but very few directors used them effectively. (Gurudatt, Gulzaar and sometimes Hrishikesh Mukharjee)
But those days have passed. Finest example of movie carried entirely by songs? - Dev D

2. Regional languages and characters - Historically all characters in Bollywood used to speak "Hindi" - as if India didn't have other regions and people living in it!
Now we have a marathi speaking "babubhai", and panjabi speaking "DJ" in Rang de Basanti, Cosmopolitan Bombay's Parsi and so on. Even the characters speak "real time lingo" and not some urdu dictionary. Amazing. This is what India is about - Diversity. And it is reflecting.

3. Acting and direction - People are acting. Days of stardom seem to be over. Some of the finest performers are setting the screen on fire and directors are willing to experiment.

Bravo !

PS - this post is a result of sudden overwhelming sense of pride.

Gods of our choice

Ell and Sill were late for the work. There were no two ways about it - either you made it on time or you were late. No negotiations existed in the corporate. Company's rules were simple - do the work properly and get fed, else join the queue wait for higher management's decision.

Ell locked his quarters and hurriedly moved out of the apartment. Sill was struggling to keep up the pace. Finally they were out of the quarters and large queue of corporate was moving like a silver chord shining in bright sunlight.

"I didn't know today would be working day, after all that happened yesterday.", Sill remarked angrily, adjusting her position in the queue.

"Oh, come on. What do you expect? Her Majesty would declare a day off for such a trivial accident? Remember the disaster in mines a few years back? They didn't even declare it as accident." Ell snapped at her. He was looking rather bored.

"Trivial accident? It was Gods wrath. people who died had made a terrible mistake of leaving our lands and Gods punished them. That's why I say you should always visit the temple ...", Sill muttered in Ell's ears. She had a worrisome look on her face.
"Now don't you start again lady. We're fine. Just let the week unroll and there'll be plenty of food in quarters. We are going to have a rocking time ahead."

The queue was moving rather slowly today. Perhaps there was another accident somewhere ahead in the territory of corporate. Ell and Sill never knew what was outside the boundary of corporate. It was place of Gods and only Gods could stay there. Sometimes Gods did visit the corporate, but the visits were unpredictable and Mostly hostile. Corporate had devised a defensive mechanisms against the Gods, but it was futile to fight against the Gods.
Gods were omnipotent. They could destroy entire corporate if they wanted to. Ell had heard stories of such corporates being destroyed on regular basis. He had once seen an entire corporate being destroyed by a powerful earthquake - definitely an act of Gods. Ell and his companions were lucky to survive in their current settlement for months now. The food was plentiful and temperature was not a problem. Her majesty had declared this as a safe place and corporate was working all time to complete the requirements. Everyone worked 24x7 to complete the assigned tasks. Soon the works would be completed and the corporate would relax for a while, but no one had a respite till then.

"Watch out Ell-----", Sill cried with horror as she saw the one of the Gods approaching the corporate. This had never happened earlier. Gods never left the heavens. But something was wrong- people was committing horrible sins these days. Even the priest in the temple had warned of such an apocalypse in future. This was the day.

The queue suddenly disappeared. Everyone was running for defensive shelter in the main Corporate house. Sill made it to the nearest block, but before Ell could come into the shelter ---
She saw Ell getting lifted high into air. One of the Gods had picked up Ell as a sacrifice. Sill could not control herself, she watched helplessly as Ell soon went high in the air and went out of her sight.
*******
"Henry, put it down.", said an affectionate voice of a mother as she ran to catch her 3 year old son. While running around the front lawn he had moved near the garage. In his tiny little fingers was a black ant struggling to escape.

Dream catcher !

I'm planning to undertake a new experiment - dream catching.
It's a simple thing and yet very unnatural. Let's not go into the scientific realm of dreams and keep it simple. Dreams are very interesting, but short lived. We never make a conscious effort to remember them.
Hence I thought it would be a good experiment to catch some of them live, and note them down. May be reading them later could be fun!
So far I've recorded half a dozen and I'm improvising it already. I've back-traced a few dream segments. Here are few of my goals -

1. I should be able to track down my dreams in detail - as much as possible. Minute details like colors, texture and faces of people whom I meet.
2. Try to remember more dreams, quantitatively. See how far I can go back in time.
3. Try to remain conscious while I'm dreaming. This sounds crazy, but it's possible. This would present a totally new point of view.
4. Finally, try to see if I can change the dreams.

While noting down the dreams, I plan to remain honest about it !

I have a long way to go, especially considering my wake up procedure. I tend to stay in bed for quite some time, and the dreams decay rapidly.
Never the less this sounds fun. I'm expecting some good results in a month or so.

Source of inspiration - "Surely you are joking Mr. Feynman", autobiography of Richard Feynman

Ram Gopal Verma (se) Darna Zaroori hai !

Ramu, take it easy.
You started it with "Ram gopal Verma ki aag". I kept silence, thinking its an unforced error from a top seed player. Though I saw the movie on a pirated copy in a Volvo - It made me feel cry. I couldn't bear the resemblance of "Sambha and Tambe","dhanno and ghungaroo." Mohanlal just couldn't fit in. With such a flawed dialogue delivery, I kept thinking that Babban must have cut Narsimha's toungue. Any ways, I admired your guts Ramu and pardoned this sin of yours.

But then you came up with a so called horror film - "Darling". this time I just had 1 question.
"Why Ramu, Why?". "तुमने ऐसा क्यों किया हमारे साथ, क्यों~??" . the film was not horror film, instead it was a filmy horror! Esha Deol as an actress is scary enough, then why go and extra mile and make her a ghost? Fardeen Khan - Amen. Even a broomstick can show some facial expressions but not Fardeen. His face remains as plain as his father Feroz's bald head. And the over all film - it wasted my 30 Rs. movie ticket. It was then I had a doubt that Ramu, you're loosing it.

The camera Angles in Sarkar raj confirmed my doubts. The camera was placed at most unusual places - in a corner, near fan, overhead and probably everywhere. "Agyat" was the second last nail in camera's coffin. The camera movements felt like a worm struggling for its last breath. I shall not insult the blogger community by discussing "Agyaat" here.

"Rann" completed the weird camera movement trilogy. What a sheer waste of camera! Ramu,
there is one scene in which I literally struggled to see an actor - It was supposed to be Rajat kapoor. Only things I spotted in the scene were - an object similar to a leg, a sofa and fan roaring at full speed. Artistic? Experimental?

I am eagerly waiting for the next film Ramu, at least it would save me my Ophthalmologist's diagnosis fees.

Bal talk-rey !!

Does this sound like a familiar name? Rings a bell ?
huh, if not, you must be in a non-internet, no newspaper zone - and especially several miles away from my birthplace Mumbai !

Bal Thackeray - Chief of Shiv Sena - is in headlines again! and this time he's used Mr. Sachin Tendulkar as a ladder to reach the news.
Issue? none rather. It's a bad (yet old) habit of Mr. Thackeray to pull out an issue out of nothing - just like the magician pulls out a rabbit out of an empty hat. Well, I admire his skill in doing so- but not in this manner! What are the objections to Sachin's statement? Let's look -

"He's suited best in his field -cricket and he has no business to enter politics. He has no business to talk about being an Indian first and then a Maharastrian"
Now wait a minute!
"I am an Indian first and then ________ian (fill in the blanks!) ", does this sound like a political statement to you? Raise your hand if you say yes/no! keep it raised if u say Yes, and slap Mr. Thackeray with the same hand if you say No.

What makes me angry here is not Mr. Thackeray's attack on Sachin. It's his view on expressing an opinion. Who's he to decide what one should say and what not?
If by saying "I'm an Indian first" makes the statement political then stating the price of 1 dozen "eggs" would make me a poultry farmer! It is as absurd as that.

Enough is enough Bal Talk-rey, You've made a mistake, better admit it!

Thank you Sachin !!

Not many days ago, I was feeling down and out.
No particular reason- (NO, It's got nothing to do with me scoring zero in a test. Neither with my jeans getting eaten by a mushroom size cockroach in our backyard.)

So here I was, feeling lonesome and isolated. These days it is barely 5pm , and darkness falls. That gives creepy feeling, and one feels even more distant from dear ones. Evening - not a good time to call home, or friends back home or anyone in India. Damn !

Whoa - I opened the regular-feel-good- pass-time youtube. (I think youtube should be part of anti-depressant or anti-boredom kit. Seriously.) the site recommended me all sort of nonsense including a "OMG !alien attack on Obama" video.

I glanced across and found Sachin smiling in a corner. I clicked on the link reluctantly.
It started with World cup 03 against Pakistan. Then moved on to Sharja 98. Then he was murdering Aussies down under. Some time more, and Warne was sent for a glorious boundary with a mere push of the bat.
Interview moved on, Tendlya started talking about cricket, practice, family, late night long drives and many more.

It was so good to see him talk - Not as a star batsman, but as a veteran in his field and yet so down to earth. I felt proud, happy and bang - better !

Thanks Sachin! You rock!

तानाजी आणि orkut

तानाजी गोंधळात पडला होता.
आज काल त्याला काही कळेनास झाले होते. परवा परवाची पोरे येऊन महाराजांना काही बाही शिकवू लागली होती.
जुन्या, जाणत्या लोकांना त्यामुळे "पोटदुखी" ह्या विकाराने ग्रासले होते.
"काय म्हणावा आता शिवबाला !", तानाजीने मिशीला पीळ भरता भरता विचार केला. "कोण कुठले लोक, वाट्टेल ते बोलतात. आणि महाराज ऐकून घेतात !. काय वाट्टेल ते चालू आहे ह्या महाराष्ट्रात. जाऊन जरा खबर बात घेतलेली बरी.", तानाजी आपली तलवार हाती घेऊन घोड्याला बाहेर काढावा, म्हणून निघाले.
पाहतात तर काय - पागेत घोडा नाही !
"अहो, माझा घोडा कोणी नेला ?", तानाजींनी आत आवाज लावला.

"आहो, घोडा कशाला म्हणते मी. जरा चालावे माणसाने. नुसते बसून बसून पोट सुटलाय बघा कसं.", मागून आवाज आला.
अजून काही ऐकायला नको, म्हणून तानाजी लगबगीने दाराबाहेर पडले.
"हो - समोरच्या भैयाकडून तूरडाळ आणा १ किलो. आणि विड्या ओढू नका हो। काय मेला दिवसभर धूर.", हेसुद्धा त्यांच्या कानी पडलंच !
******
तानाजी दाराबाराशी आले आणि चकितच झाले. दरबाराचा चेहरामोहरा अजाबात बदलून गेलेला !
"काय चाललाय काय?", त्यांनी समोरच्या मावळ्याला विचारले.
"क्या हुवा साहेब?", तो मनुष्य प्रश्नार्थक चेहेर्याने तानाजींकडे बघू लागला.
"मोंगल शिपाई आणि इथे ! दगा ! धोका !!" - तानाजींची तलवार बाहेर आली आणि ते वार करणार एवढ्यात कुणीतरी ओरडले - " थांबा हो ! तोः आपलाच माणूस आहे."
"आहो पण - मोंगल असेल - उत्तरेची भाषा बोलतोय. तुम्हाला मी सांगतो -", तानाजी जोशात आले.
"नको. महाराजांनीच ठेवलेत ते लोक. त्यांनाच सांगा."
महाराज म्हटल्यावर तानाजी निमुटपणे शोएब समोरच्या गांगुलीसारखे परत फिरते झाले.


विटा, सिमेंटची देवाणघेवाण करणार्याकडे त्यांना विडी दिसली. "बर झाले. सापडला. नाहीतर घरी कटकट.!" असं पुटपुटत
ते विडी मागायच्या विचारात होते.
"క్యా కరత రే తుం !!", तो विडीधारी माणूस बोलता झाला - आणि औरंगजेब दिसावा तसे तानाजी चमकले!
"अरे अरे .. काय बोलतोय हा !"
"तेलुगु आहे तो. विटा-सिमेंट- घरबांधणी ह्यात फार पटाईत आहेत ते लोक. आणि स्वस्त सुद्धा." - एक रिकामटेकडा मावळा कट्ट्यावरून पचकला.
"महाराजांना भेटायलाच हवं...." तानाजी गंभीर झाले.
*****
"या तानाजी - कसं येणं केलं!", महाराज नेहेमीसारखेच प्रसन्न हसत म्हणाले.
"विडी .. नाही आपलं. सहजच आलो होतो. बरेच दिवस खबर नाही महालाची.
"अच्छा . छान . तुमचा सल्ला हवा होता एका बाबतीत. आम्ही computer course करावा म्हणतोय. कुठे आणि कधी ते जरा बघत होतो. तुम्हाला काय वाटत ?"
तानाजी बिचकले. महाराजांना काही भूत-पिशाच्च वगैरे तर ...
"काय बोलताय महाराज ? हे आजकालच खूळ. आपल्याला कशाला हवे हे ? नुकसानच होणार ह्या असल्या गोशीमुळे."
"अरे अरे .. काय बोलताय हे तानाजी-"
"होय महाराज. स्पष्ट बोलतो. आपण आजकाल नव्या नव्या बाहेरच्या लोकांना संधी देताय. उत्तरेकडचे भय्ये - त्यांनी सामान सुमान विकण्याचा मक्ता घेतलेला आहे. गुजराती तर वाणी म्हणून आता इथलेच झाले आहेत. तेलुगु, मंडळी हॉटेल आणि घरकामाचे मजूर म्हणून सगळीकडे दिसतात. मग आपले मराठी लोक कुठे जाणार ?महालात देखील --"


"अस्स. globalization चा जमाना आलं तानाजी, आहात कुठे? युरोप आणि अमेरिकेचे लोक देखील आता इथल्या लोकांशी स्पर्धा करणार आहेत. तिथले शेतकरी आता इथे माल पाठवणार आणि तिथले कारगीर आता इथे वस्तू विकणार. आपली स्पर्धा असणार आहे ती ह्या लोकांशी. पुढचा विचार करायला हवा तानाजी, डोळ्यावर झापड़ बांधून चालणार नाही.
अहो उत्तर,दक्षिण कसलंघेऊन बसलात - सगळच आपल आहे आता. कोण कुठले लोक पोटापाण्यासाठी आपल्या देशात ख़ुशीने का फिरतात ? गरज आहे ही काळाची.
"पण महाराज हे आपले लोक ठीक आहे. computer आणि पाश्चात्त्य लोकांकडून आपली संस्कृती -"
"तानाजी, आहो साधी गोष्ट आहे. twinkle twinkle little star म्हणून आणि cake कापून जर का आपली संस्कृती भ्रष्ट होणार असेल, तर तुम्ही "संस्कृती" कशाला म्हणताय, हेच मुळात चुकतंय. ह्या छोट्या छोट्या गोष्टी मजा म्हणून करायच्या.
आणि computer म्हणाल तर काळाची गरज आहे ती ! सगळी दुनिया पुढे जात असताना आपणही पुढेच जायला हवा.मग तिथे उत्तर-दक्षिण - पश्चिमी असं म्हणून चालणार नाही. महाराष्ट्राला मर्यादा आहे ती फक्त मराठी माणसाच्या हिंमतीची. काय?"

"असं म्हणता ? आम्हाला वयाप्रमाणे जरा सुस्ती आली होती. मन सुद्धा आळशी झालेले! त्याला सोयीपुरातच दिसत होते."
"ही चूक करून चालणार नाही आता. नुसता मराठी मराठी बोलला, म्हणजे काही होणार नाही. आपल्याला काम करायला हवं तानाजी. प्रत्येक कामात निपुणता कशी मिळवता येयील, ह्या ध्यासाने काम केलं पाहिजे. हर एक क्षेत्रात मराठी लोकांचे नाव आदबीने घेतले जाईल, असा निश्चय हवा !. पटतंय का -"

"होय महाराज. मी आजपासूनच आपल्या मावळ्यांना तयार करतो - technology का काय म्हणतात त्याचे धडे गिरवायला हवे सगळ्यांनी"
"वा. चला तर. या आता तुम्ही." महाराज laptop कडे वळून म्हणाले.
"होय सरकार. जसा हुकुम", तानाजी माघारी वळले, आणि दरबाराबाहेर जाणार एवढ्यात महाराजांची हाक आली -
"अरे हो, आणि तानाजी, तेवढा orkut वर testimonial पाठवलाय, तो जरा स्वीकार करा लवकर!"
हे शेवटलं काय ते मात्र तानाजींना समजल नाही !!

In search of true horror !

I have tried almost everything.
I went online and searched "horror" "ghost" "scary" "gory" "bhoot" and their colleagues.
I tried going through various websites for scariest films ever. I watched most of them but could not manage to get scared.
I even checked out nook and corner of wikipedia - to get the best in the best of horror genre.
They say - Japanese horror is the best. I tried that. I even made my eyes smaller like east asian people to see the film from their point of "view". Nothing. no fear - no goosebumps.

In desperate conditions, I ventured into hitherto unknown territory like Philippine/Malay movies. But to no avail. I called friends, relatives, their friends and their relatives - but I failed to get a movie/ script/book that would make me shiver with fear.

At last, My country rescued me. It helped me to find what I was searching for, and that too without much efforts. That's why I love my country. I merely looked that the thing and I was scared as hell. I had found my true horror. Unbelievable yet a true story. Happening in modern India, in contemporary times. Such a horrible experience that for a few minutes my eyeballs came out of the sockets - simply by the very nature of the content.

Ah, what is it? Here it goes, But let me warn you, please make sure you have a strong heart.

"Utter pradesh Chief minister Mayawati has spent almost 3000 crore Rs. in building statues of herself and her mentors. This expenditure of money in a state which has - more than 5.8 crore people living below the poverty line, highest number of child labourers, less than 50 per cent electrified villages, lowest literacy rate of barely 57 per cent and highest maternal mortality as well as neo-natal mortality"

Poems (Only) for programmers !

1.
int i=0
char *gist
void *p
But where's my..
linked list ?

2.
C asked C++
How are you so
"rich" !
C++ smiled at
poor old C
"Oh, I just inherited it !"

3.
I can break the unix Shell
I can open Windows too
Why the hell in all textbooks
the function name is 'foo' ???

4.
This is just a poem
yet in beta release
version is 0.1.02
Don't read it -please.

A Harappan news paper

It's my pleasure to present you an ancient news paper, which was found by my friend and fellow archeologist Alobijakamuni Bibinapokanylija in a hidden chest which was excavated somewhere near the Taj Mahal and great river Yamuna on 21 April 2005. That certainly is another story, but I will at once move to the matter at hand.

So the ancient news paper was published in the Ancient city of Harappa at ancient times. The name of this news paper is "Aylaa". Scholars are yet debating over what it means, but our reliable friend (for name- refer above) conceives that is has something to do with the current Marathi language.

Here is the crux of the matter - a few news headlines for our readers!
SPORTS Section -
B-1 race tomorrow -
Let me reminds our readers that tomorrow after morning sun rise and '3 peacock' standard time, there shall be season's first B-1 race. All participating bullock carts are requested to surrender their bulls after moon rise and '4 owl' standard time. Failure to do so - would mean that the participant will NOT be given free food on any future occasion. Also no participant is allowed to consume tiger blood, goat liver juice or coconut shell powder. These are banned substances.
Regarding the free entries - Only 3 wives and 10 children allowed per person.
See you at the farm tomorrow !

Advertisements Section-
Famous black magician in city, don't miss the chance !
According to our sources, City's famous black magician - "kaaa laaa" is visiting us for a week. He will be seeking patients during his standard visiting hours - from midnight to 'a peacock before dawn'. Please bring your identity tree leafs for the discount. Rates /location is mentioned below-

Standard Black magic - 2 cows, a dog ( barking) and 23 coconuts with water inside.
Western special magic - 2 cows, a cat (barking like dog) and 21 mangos**
White magic - 2 cows (barking like a cat)**
Location - Old burial yard, central burial place.
**special discount on full moon and eclipse

Entertainment Section-
Criminal killing - a review
After many silent weekends, finally we had some fun! Last Friday, we had a criminal killing. The criminal was sentenced to death by stone pelting. And as you might have guessed, we had a full house. Stone sellers had a good business, certainly. As far as the actual performance goes, the murderer was a cold blooded man. Hardly a muscle on his face moved, let alone the melodrama. Plot was not that weak though, Police cried their heart out- a great lead performance llikes of which I haven't seen for many months. And the end - certainly the end was great suspense- as by mistake the assistant jailer was lynched by the mob in a tragic yet rare case of mistaken identity.
My rating - ***1/2
Watch this space for nex------------------------------------------
Unfortunately the newspaper ends here.
Friends, I have already requested to my friend (refer the name above) for more stuff, please be patient !


~ inspired by work of P. L. Deshpande

Not for faint hearted

Warning - The following work is just a pseudo-reality thing imagined by one and only myself at craziest hour of the day.

When I woke up the other morning, things were great. I said hello to the large praying mantis sleeping beside me. He nodded his plastic head with infinitesimally small force that allowed me to capture the motion within a jiffy. I am not sure whether this just meant- my dream ended abruptly or my mind refused to believe my room mate as a normal human being.

While brushing the teeth, tooth number 24 got stuck with the brush, and my fingers had to carry out the rescue operation. Number 24 was allowed to take paste bath twice, which is against my rule- every tooth gets the paste-bath only and only once. Never mind.

On the term breakfast - since this was a weekday- my brain pondered a bit. Within nanoseconds a report came from neurons - "Available inventory consisted nothing that could be readily used", it had a hint of remorse in it, which satisfied me. Proceeding with the proceedings, I decided to boil few-not-yet-moral-chicken-embryos (eggs) and turned the course to north west.

Bath was an registered event of the day, which involved ritualistic activities and a pleasure sensation of sensing the difference in the temperature. Once done, I solemnly completed the activity log by putting on some clothes.

While I was having bath, I had allowed the unhatched chickens in the bowl to have bath in more than hot water, and they were screaming now. Taking them out one by one, I tried to prepare a sandwich, if you want to know what is the official term for the thing, packed it in a plastic wrapper.

"Anything else, chief?", my brain asks, sensing its about get its morning break.
"No, thanks", says I and walk out of the house.