Not for faint hearted

Warning - The following work is just a pseudo-reality thing imagined by one and only myself at craziest hour of the day.

When I woke up the other morning, things were great. I said hello to the large praying mantis sleeping beside me. He nodded his plastic head with infinitesimally small force that allowed me to capture the motion within a jiffy. I am not sure whether this just meant- my dream ended abruptly or my mind refused to believe my room mate as a normal human being.

While brushing the teeth, tooth number 24 got stuck with the brush, and my fingers had to carry out the rescue operation. Number 24 was allowed to take paste bath twice, which is against my rule- every tooth gets the paste-bath only and only once. Never mind.

On the term breakfast - since this was a weekday- my brain pondered a bit. Within nanoseconds a report came from neurons - "Available inventory consisted nothing that could be readily used", it had a hint of remorse in it, which satisfied me. Proceeding with the proceedings, I decided to boil few-not-yet-moral-chicken-embryos (eggs) and turned the course to north west.

Bath was an registered event of the day, which involved ritualistic activities and a pleasure sensation of sensing the difference in the temperature. Once done, I solemnly completed the activity log by putting on some clothes.

While I was having bath, I had allowed the unhatched chickens in the bowl to have bath in more than hot water, and they were screaming now. Taking them out one by one, I tried to prepare a sandwich, if you want to know what is the official term for the thing, packed it in a plastic wrapper.

"Anything else, chief?", my brain asks, sensing its about get its morning break.
"No, thanks", says I and walk out of the house.

TCP Jayasurya and TCP Sachin !

This is a bit of a technical post - let me claim that first !

We have been working on the TCP ( transmission control protocol) in one of our courses this semester. One of the task assigned was to develop a "congestion control protocol".

Suppose you are downloading a file, then our protocol would make your life better ... you can download the file much faster etc etc etc .....
[Techies- I know FTP is involved. But I am talking at transport layer]

Scene : You are downloading an E-book of 10 MB. Here are few of our proposed "protocols"


1. TCP Jayasurya - Your download starts amazingly well, 5 MB within few milliseconds. But stops suddenly on its way, before you've realised !

2. TCP Ganguly - Your download is fast and good. But after looking at the e-book you realise that only pages on "offside" have been downloaded well, pages on left side are incomplete.

3. TCP Dravid - Have you started the download and still waiting in front of your machine? You can go for a movie and check after 3 hours. You would get the best quality e-book- ever !
Moreover , Larger the e-book- better the quality!

4. TCP Laxman - It is reported that this TCP works only with Australian e-books, and that too in very desperate scenarios. Else it just downloads few pages of e-book

5. TCP Yuvraj - Works with small size books. Generally used for downloading previews of ebooks.

6. TCP Agarkar - Please do not use this TCP for downloading. IT is a viral version which doesn't download anything.

7. TCP Kumble - Your link is very slow? still want to download ? Well, this TCP gives it a tough fight- till connection breaks down.

8. TCP Venkatesh Prasad - I think this would upload a file rather than downloading the existing file. Just neglect this as a rouge version of a TCP.

And last but not the least-

TCP Sachin - Your file gets downloaded within milliseconds. But such is the beauty of this protocol, that you feel like downloading another file .....

Useless !

There is this cartoon strip online.
It has technical- and mathematical humour.
I just loved this one - It shows a mathematician's (or any logical person's) perception of love :)

Couldn't resist the temptation .......

For complete archive -
http://xkcd.com/

K(S)now wh(ite)y and her 7 friends

There's this girl
This "poemish" blog is for her!
========================

Once there was a lil' child
she had seven friends!

Who n How n When n What
Where -why- which were their names!!

She used to play often with them
n they were her best pals :P
she wished she could use them more
at her onsite calls !!

To and fro she thought on things
till dizzy went her head,
se7en friends were still with her
Off she goes to bed!!

at times she asked why
"why'm like this?"
Why simply looked at her
n blew her naughty kiss :P

One could see the lil' girl
confused, "Ah, i'm a waste" :(
"naah" - said I at this point
I know she's still the best !!

Words

The visitor looked puzzled.
But he had seen nothing like this before. It was truly a strange place. "So they were not joking after all", he exclaimed to himself with a loud chuckle. "What a place ... What a place!", was the murmur a fly near him would have heard a thousand times.

"What is it !!", his patience was planning to leave him. "Ahoy,... anyone here?"
Visitor shouted at top of his voice. His voice echoed off the corners.
"Yes please. What do you seek here?", a sudden voice appeared behind him.
"Who are you?", visitor was clearly not ready for this.
"I am sudden." the voice said.
"What a name !"
"yes, it might appear strange to you, but "strange" can not appear here. He is with "busy".
"?? you alright?"
"No. Alright is a friend of mine". said the voice." you are in Words Cantonment. All words live here. You can find anyone here!".

"Oh that means i reached the place correctly !", the visitor rejoiced."Actually i am on a mission here.I wanted to explore this place".
"sure, let me call Omniscient.He can tell you everything." and sudden disappeared only to re appear with Omniscient - A wizardly looking man.

"Do all words live here?", asked the visitor.
"Yes. Almost all. There are places for them. Engineering, technology and their relatives live in the far eastern colony. They are joined by the science and her disciples.
Politics, sociology and their alliances live in the southern part.But the largest colony here is of Literature. It has spawned over many miles."

"What about the convicts, jail etc?"
"Words like Bastard, Fuck have been put in jail depending on their severity. And a few words have been put into life imprisonment".
"How about graveyard?"
"Well, words like Thou, Thee are placed in graveyard. There are a few other martyrs too. Very few have died early and even less were killed or murdered.", Wizard spoke.

"Ohh, that's sad. What do normal words do for living ?"
"We generally visit websites, authors, clerical staff. Major employers for us are students and children though. But student and children pose a danger too."

"Danger?", visitor found the term amusing.
"Oh yes. They make spelling mistakes. Our hospitals are always full. Certain words like "Practice","advice" are regular victims." Wizard had a gloomy look on his face." In the era of email, words are getting amputated heavily. People do not care to provide even nice working conditions for words anymore. Fortunately the advancement of technology - tools like spell check exist which are miracle medicines for words."

"Oh, yes", said the visitor.
"Anyways, what brings you here?", inquired the Wizard.
"Well, I was in search of a few words. Can you please tell me where to find them? I know they'll be here.", Visitor looked hopeful.
"Sure, whom would you like to meet ?"asked the Wizard.
"Truth, Honesty, non- violence to name a few."
"Well, Then you need to go into the Museum. They are extinct now.", exclaimed the Wizard.

A Question paper in "bollywood Mathematics"

Working as a Math lecture assistant inspired me to come up with a question paper for Maths.
Check out !
you can write answers as comments :P

====================================================================

Q1. Find length of Kanoon's hands. ( formula would suffice, show the work for full credit)

Q2. Find length of Thakur's hands. Can u correlate this to q1?
(Hint: consider Limit H->0 and H->infinity)

Q3. Dhanno runs at speed of 32 km/h. How fast should basanti scream so that her voice reaches Viru before dakuu captures her?
(hint : speed of sound is peculiar in Ramgadh. )

Q4. If viroo's hands weigh 2.5 kg each, how much is total weight of Abhay, Bobby and Sunny?
(Hint: 9845334435. That's Hema Malini's phone number.)

Bonus - extra credit
Q5. If salman unbuttons his shirt at 1 button/sec, how many buttons would he unbutton till Vajpayee speaks a complete sentence?

Snow - Close encounter of 2nd kind!

Well, I've been waiting long for a snowfall.
There were a few hoax calls before in Raleigh, and we were fooled then!
But tonight was different. My roommate(God bless him!) was vigilant for whole night. He kept watch on the weather like a master sailor looks out for land in sea.
It did snow, and how!
The picture was taken through window at around 9.30AM other morning.
What followed after is a predictable event and I don't want to bore you with the yore!

Being from Mumbai, where snow is only seen in fridge, that too when the defrost is not functioning well- I am enthralled by the snowfall !!!
What made me mad with joy is the 1st sight of snowfall! It's certainly one of the most beautiful things. Snow falling from sky, the warm tickling on the your face, the feathery touch of snow - just Wow !!
I'm glad for this experience!
Ahem .. Here's a secret - Do you know what are snow flakes?
snowflakes are actually pop corn that falls from heaven when Gods watch movies :)

Death of a ghost

He first couldn't believe that he's no more. Everybody seemed to ignore him which was a sure sign. But he could not accept it as it was usual to be ignored during his lifetime.
So it took him a great deal of laborious experiments to arrive at the conclusion that he was a real ghost. Unlike many stories he had heard, he found his new avatar interesting.

1.
He started walking randomly towards the town, still thinking about the times when he was alive. "I could meet them perhaps", he thought with a gleaming hope.

Arriving at a corner, he noticed children playing there with tires and stray rubbish.
"want to talk?", he asked in an eager voice.
They looked at him and smiled. "yes, sure".
Oh, so they can see me!
"What are you doing at this hour of time.. ", he questioned the boy who looked about 12.
"Ah, nothing. just.. doing nothing really", boy chuckled.
he made a move towards them and sat on an empty wooden box.
They chatted about nothing for about 5 minutes.

"What were you doing there in jungle, so late?"
"Well .. don't be afraid.", he took a deep breath.
Boy looked puzzled.
"I am a ghost", he replied without thinking.
the boy stared at him for a full minute and looked disinterested. he started to walk away.
"Hey, don't be afraid of me", he assured the boy.
"Hell, you want me to believe that thing? anyways I'm not superstitious Sir", the boy snorted back without looking at him.

2.

He wandered about the town for some time.
some chawls, few old houses, gutters filled with filth - everything just looked perfect!
Nothing has changed and nothing will change.
"watch out .. what you doing here?", a harsh voice appeared out of nowhere suddenly.
"nothing. just came to see my house" came his cold reply.
"Well then go in and sleep! what are you doing outside!", constable asked with curiosity, which looked out of place for his profession.
"I .. ", He paused for a millisecond. What harm can he do to me now?Let me take my chances.
"I am a ghost", he replied in same cold fashion.
m"Saala, galat time pe mazaak karta hai", constable started from police dictionary.
"I'll put you in jail and then you won't do such nonsense again. Get lost!", muttered the constable and turned away.

He was bewildered. How could they not believe me!
" Hello, I AM A GHOST. I really am one" he yelled back at constable.
The guy turned back."OK. perhaps you are. What is the proof that you ARE a ghost.Go, get one and then talk to me."

3.

He had known this place too well. After all he had spent almost all of his evenings at this chowk.
"Temple, Ah this will be a reminiscence with my past. The pujari should recognize me!", he thought with a hint of satisfaction. How important was the identity crisis now!

"Namaste", he bowed to the old man.
"Do I know you son? Your face looks familiar to me.", replied the old man with suspicious looks.
"but of course swamij! I .. I .. ", he was much surprised to say anything.
"No it can't be you! You were dead...", suddenly exclaimed the pujari with his head falling back.
" I am a ghost, swamiji.. whatever you said was true!", he replied with a strange note of joy in his voice.
"Oh .. son", pujari regained control over him as he glanced at the opportunity."I'll tell your wife and son to do a Pooja here.That should give you salvation soon". The man's eyes gleamed with scene of Pooja and the Dakshina he would get after that.
"Oh, no need swamiji. I like it this way. It's ideal for me, to see world this way", our man jabbed back at the pujari with haste.

" Haramkhor!", pujari let go an unholy word at the holy place- perhaps one for the day."Get lost and be never seen again in these holy premises", were the last words he heard from the pujari.

4.

Now he was tired. But more prominent feeling was of shock and disbelief.
How could they!
No one clearly can imagine how identity crisis can overwhelm a ghost, so we leave him there with his sorrows.

the place he came to was not a well known one, neither it would profit from being one.
It smelled of liqueur and alcohol, drugs and gunpowder. He shuddered at the thought of being there alive. How nice that he was a ghost himself!
Slowly anger creeped in his mind.
Anger, which he had for such people. Anger kept quietly in his unconscious mind when he was alive.
he kicked a bottle in fury. Two men heard it and checked him.
"What's wrong fellow? Need a douse or two?"
He kept staring at them with fixed gaze.
"Hey", said one goon to his chum."Look at him. He's the same guy who died a week ago in the blasts. I knew him! He's a GHOST", he cried in horror and started to run for his life.

"Cut it out. What harm possibly can a common man's ghost do to you!", said the other one with indifference.

And that was the death of the ghost.

As a common Indian

Don't they feel ashamed about this? It is really disgusting to see the reactions of these politicians. May be because -they live in another India. Where there are cars to travel, bodyguards to protect and money to be squandered - is obtained without any struggle.

These people know it very well that they are miles away from any train which might contain RDX explosives.
They are never going to enter a railway station or a Cafe or a city footpath where a bomb can explode anytime.
At any given moment - safety is not a concern for any of them.
Shameless leaders(?) like Vilasrao Deshmukh and R.R. Patil - who took the Mumbai terror attacks as a "regular incidents" prove the already proved fact again - India for politicians is different from the India we live in.

And ofcourse the bomb blasts - Mumbaikars are now used to them! Goevernment can in fact officially declare a bomb scare like "heavy rains" warning in any city of India....

We are destined to be common- acceptable.
We have no special status - acceptable.
We are supposed to do common things and live a common life - acceptable.
But it is simply unacceptable, as a citizen of India, that anyone can come here and kill my countrymen - Simply not ACCEPTABLE.

Sadly, It seems acceptable to our Govenrment and politicians as a lot.
Naseeruddin Shah speaks as a common man about Terrorism & Government in "A wednesday"

Dear PM !

Dear Dr. Manmohan Singh,
As you must be aware there was an incident in a city called Mumbai, where several people were killed. Nothing special, I agree. These days there are one or more bomb blasts happening around.
I also know that you are a very busy man and have numerous meetings everywhere.
But i really have a problem and I do not have an answer to that question, thought I would tell you !

At this moment- these terrorists have created havoc in Mumbai, my city. People died like mosquitos. Many brave policemen lost their lives. Amongst dead were elite, less and lesser elite, and ofcourse the beloved target of terrorists- the common masses!

I know, Government, police force etc. are unable to protect common people like me. Ofcourse there are many important ministers, actors, businessmen to be protected with Z+ security.
So there are generally not many left to protect people like me!

My question is - "How do I protect myself and my family?"
I cannot kill anyone nor have I taken any NCC traning. Say a terrorist approaches me- What am I supposed to do?
Logic tells me that this situation should have been prevented in first place. How can a terrorist enter my city and threaten me at a gun(that too a semi-autometic)point?
So I consider that as a life threatening situation.
I say this, because when I leave my home each day- a bomb can explode, terror can strike from all 360 degrees. Trains, officeplace, theatres, railway stations - everywhere I am alert these days.
Anyways, that's not very important- at max I might get killed.
Even if that happens, please answer my question in public. Someone else might be able take necessary measures.

tuely,
Not at all important who!


PS - Could you please tell me a good place where I can get an AK-47, preferably at discount rate?

The Idiot - By Dostoyevsky

Few man can portray human beings like Dostoevsky does. He's the master of masters.
Even the great Einstein had once said, "Dostoevsky gives me more than any scientist, more than Gauss".

"The Idiot", often considered as one of the greatest work of Dostoevsky, proves this-and how!
The master portrays truly amazing image of a man whom they all call an Idiot.

Dostoevsky's motives for writing The Idiot stem from his desire to depict the "positively good man"- Prince Myshkin.
By making Myshkin a paragon of kindness and humility, Dostoyevsky shows what can happen when such a man is confronted by society. Myshkin frequently confronts society's norms with his "idiocy", which is merely his apparently naive approach to life. However, it is merely a search for truth in human relationships, he is not naive about what others say to him and about him, he merely assumes they're true because human beings should have no need for falsehood. The prince frequently faces various social turmoils throughout the novel, petty arguments and ridiculous assumptions. Unfortunately, the "idiot" cannot save himself from society and fails in the end. [description from wikipedia]

Myshkin is indeed one of the most beloved and truest character in literature. A child at heart, naive and ever kind - closer to being a saint.

I wish we had a few Myshkins amongst us right now, amidst all the hatred littered all along.....