Bal talk-rey !!

Does this sound like a familiar name? Rings a bell ?
huh, if not, you must be in a non-internet, no newspaper zone - and especially several miles away from my birthplace Mumbai !

Bal Thackeray - Chief of Shiv Sena - is in headlines again! and this time he's used Mr. Sachin Tendulkar as a ladder to reach the news.
Issue? none rather. It's a bad (yet old) habit of Mr. Thackeray to pull out an issue out of nothing - just like the magician pulls out a rabbit out of an empty hat. Well, I admire his skill in doing so- but not in this manner! What are the objections to Sachin's statement? Let's look -

"He's suited best in his field -cricket and he has no business to enter politics. He has no business to talk about being an Indian first and then a Maharastrian"
Now wait a minute!
"I am an Indian first and then ________ian (fill in the blanks!) ", does this sound like a political statement to you? Raise your hand if you say yes/no! keep it raised if u say Yes, and slap Mr. Thackeray with the same hand if you say No.

What makes me angry here is not Mr. Thackeray's attack on Sachin. It's his view on expressing an opinion. Who's he to decide what one should say and what not?
If by saying "I'm an Indian first" makes the statement political then stating the price of 1 dozen "eggs" would make me a poultry farmer! It is as absurd as that.

Enough is enough Bal Talk-rey, You've made a mistake, better admit it!

Thank you Sachin !!

Not many days ago, I was feeling down and out.
No particular reason- (NO, It's got nothing to do with me scoring zero in a test. Neither with my jeans getting eaten by a mushroom size cockroach in our backyard.)

So here I was, feeling lonesome and isolated. These days it is barely 5pm , and darkness falls. That gives creepy feeling, and one feels even more distant from dear ones. Evening - not a good time to call home, or friends back home or anyone in India. Damn !

Whoa - I opened the regular-feel-good- pass-time youtube. (I think youtube should be part of anti-depressant or anti-boredom kit. Seriously.) the site recommended me all sort of nonsense including a "OMG !alien attack on Obama" video.

I glanced across and found Sachin smiling in a corner. I clicked on the link reluctantly.
It started with World cup 03 against Pakistan. Then moved on to Sharja 98. Then he was murdering Aussies down under. Some time more, and Warne was sent for a glorious boundary with a mere push of the bat.
Interview moved on, Tendlya started talking about cricket, practice, family, late night long drives and many more.

It was so good to see him talk - Not as a star batsman, but as a veteran in his field and yet so down to earth. I felt proud, happy and bang - better !

Thanks Sachin! You rock!

तानाजी आणि orkut

तानाजी गोंधळात पडला होता.
आज काल त्याला काही कळेनास झाले होते. परवा परवाची पोरे येऊन महाराजांना काही बाही शिकवू लागली होती.
जुन्या, जाणत्या लोकांना त्यामुळे "पोटदुखी" ह्या विकाराने ग्रासले होते.
"काय म्हणावा आता शिवबाला !", तानाजीने मिशीला पीळ भरता भरता विचार केला. "कोण कुठले लोक, वाट्टेल ते बोलतात. आणि महाराज ऐकून घेतात !. काय वाट्टेल ते चालू आहे ह्या महाराष्ट्रात. जाऊन जरा खबर बात घेतलेली बरी.", तानाजी आपली तलवार हाती घेऊन घोड्याला बाहेर काढावा, म्हणून निघाले.
पाहतात तर काय - पागेत घोडा नाही !
"अहो, माझा घोडा कोणी नेला ?", तानाजींनी आत आवाज लावला.

"आहो, घोडा कशाला म्हणते मी. जरा चालावे माणसाने. नुसते बसून बसून पोट सुटलाय बघा कसं.", मागून आवाज आला.
अजून काही ऐकायला नको, म्हणून तानाजी लगबगीने दाराबाहेर पडले.
"हो - समोरच्या भैयाकडून तूरडाळ आणा १ किलो. आणि विड्या ओढू नका हो। काय मेला दिवसभर धूर.", हेसुद्धा त्यांच्या कानी पडलंच !
******
तानाजी दाराबाराशी आले आणि चकितच झाले. दरबाराचा चेहरामोहरा अजाबात बदलून गेलेला !
"काय चाललाय काय?", त्यांनी समोरच्या मावळ्याला विचारले.
"क्या हुवा साहेब?", तो मनुष्य प्रश्नार्थक चेहेर्याने तानाजींकडे बघू लागला.
"मोंगल शिपाई आणि इथे ! दगा ! धोका !!" - तानाजींची तलवार बाहेर आली आणि ते वार करणार एवढ्यात कुणीतरी ओरडले - " थांबा हो ! तोः आपलाच माणूस आहे."
"आहो पण - मोंगल असेल - उत्तरेची भाषा बोलतोय. तुम्हाला मी सांगतो -", तानाजी जोशात आले.
"नको. महाराजांनीच ठेवलेत ते लोक. त्यांनाच सांगा."
महाराज म्हटल्यावर तानाजी निमुटपणे शोएब समोरच्या गांगुलीसारखे परत फिरते झाले.


विटा, सिमेंटची देवाणघेवाण करणार्याकडे त्यांना विडी दिसली. "बर झाले. सापडला. नाहीतर घरी कटकट.!" असं पुटपुटत
ते विडी मागायच्या विचारात होते.
"క్యా కరత రే తుం !!", तो विडीधारी माणूस बोलता झाला - आणि औरंगजेब दिसावा तसे तानाजी चमकले!
"अरे अरे .. काय बोलतोय हा !"
"तेलुगु आहे तो. विटा-सिमेंट- घरबांधणी ह्यात फार पटाईत आहेत ते लोक. आणि स्वस्त सुद्धा." - एक रिकामटेकडा मावळा कट्ट्यावरून पचकला.
"महाराजांना भेटायलाच हवं...." तानाजी गंभीर झाले.
*****
"या तानाजी - कसं येणं केलं!", महाराज नेहेमीसारखेच प्रसन्न हसत म्हणाले.
"विडी .. नाही आपलं. सहजच आलो होतो. बरेच दिवस खबर नाही महालाची.
"अच्छा . छान . तुमचा सल्ला हवा होता एका बाबतीत. आम्ही computer course करावा म्हणतोय. कुठे आणि कधी ते जरा बघत होतो. तुम्हाला काय वाटत ?"
तानाजी बिचकले. महाराजांना काही भूत-पिशाच्च वगैरे तर ...
"काय बोलताय महाराज ? हे आजकालच खूळ. आपल्याला कशाला हवे हे ? नुकसानच होणार ह्या असल्या गोशीमुळे."
"अरे अरे .. काय बोलताय हे तानाजी-"
"होय महाराज. स्पष्ट बोलतो. आपण आजकाल नव्या नव्या बाहेरच्या लोकांना संधी देताय. उत्तरेकडचे भय्ये - त्यांनी सामान सुमान विकण्याचा मक्ता घेतलेला आहे. गुजराती तर वाणी म्हणून आता इथलेच झाले आहेत. तेलुगु, मंडळी हॉटेल आणि घरकामाचे मजूर म्हणून सगळीकडे दिसतात. मग आपले मराठी लोक कुठे जाणार ?महालात देखील --"


"अस्स. globalization चा जमाना आलं तानाजी, आहात कुठे? युरोप आणि अमेरिकेचे लोक देखील आता इथल्या लोकांशी स्पर्धा करणार आहेत. तिथले शेतकरी आता इथे माल पाठवणार आणि तिथले कारगीर आता इथे वस्तू विकणार. आपली स्पर्धा असणार आहे ती ह्या लोकांशी. पुढचा विचार करायला हवा तानाजी, डोळ्यावर झापड़ बांधून चालणार नाही.
अहो उत्तर,दक्षिण कसलंघेऊन बसलात - सगळच आपल आहे आता. कोण कुठले लोक पोटापाण्यासाठी आपल्या देशात ख़ुशीने का फिरतात ? गरज आहे ही काळाची.
"पण महाराज हे आपले लोक ठीक आहे. computer आणि पाश्चात्त्य लोकांकडून आपली संस्कृती -"
"तानाजी, आहो साधी गोष्ट आहे. twinkle twinkle little star म्हणून आणि cake कापून जर का आपली संस्कृती भ्रष्ट होणार असेल, तर तुम्ही "संस्कृती" कशाला म्हणताय, हेच मुळात चुकतंय. ह्या छोट्या छोट्या गोष्टी मजा म्हणून करायच्या.
आणि computer म्हणाल तर काळाची गरज आहे ती ! सगळी दुनिया पुढे जात असताना आपणही पुढेच जायला हवा.मग तिथे उत्तर-दक्षिण - पश्चिमी असं म्हणून चालणार नाही. महाराष्ट्राला मर्यादा आहे ती फक्त मराठी माणसाच्या हिंमतीची. काय?"

"असं म्हणता ? आम्हाला वयाप्रमाणे जरा सुस्ती आली होती. मन सुद्धा आळशी झालेले! त्याला सोयीपुरातच दिसत होते."
"ही चूक करून चालणार नाही आता. नुसता मराठी मराठी बोलला, म्हणजे काही होणार नाही. आपल्याला काम करायला हवं तानाजी. प्रत्येक कामात निपुणता कशी मिळवता येयील, ह्या ध्यासाने काम केलं पाहिजे. हर एक क्षेत्रात मराठी लोकांचे नाव आदबीने घेतले जाईल, असा निश्चय हवा !. पटतंय का -"

"होय महाराज. मी आजपासूनच आपल्या मावळ्यांना तयार करतो - technology का काय म्हणतात त्याचे धडे गिरवायला हवे सगळ्यांनी"
"वा. चला तर. या आता तुम्ही." महाराज laptop कडे वळून म्हणाले.
"होय सरकार. जसा हुकुम", तानाजी माघारी वळले, आणि दरबाराबाहेर जाणार एवढ्यात महाराजांची हाक आली -
"अरे हो, आणि तानाजी, तेवढा orkut वर testimonial पाठवलाय, तो जरा स्वीकार करा लवकर!"
हे शेवटलं काय ते मात्र तानाजींना समजल नाही !!

In search of true horror !

I have tried almost everything.
I went online and searched "horror" "ghost" "scary" "gory" "bhoot" and their colleagues.
I tried going through various websites for scariest films ever. I watched most of them but could not manage to get scared.
I even checked out nook and corner of wikipedia - to get the best in the best of horror genre.
They say - Japanese horror is the best. I tried that. I even made my eyes smaller like east asian people to see the film from their point of "view". Nothing. no fear - no goosebumps.

In desperate conditions, I ventured into hitherto unknown territory like Philippine/Malay movies. But to no avail. I called friends, relatives, their friends and their relatives - but I failed to get a movie/ script/book that would make me shiver with fear.

At last, My country rescued me. It helped me to find what I was searching for, and that too without much efforts. That's why I love my country. I merely looked that the thing and I was scared as hell. I had found my true horror. Unbelievable yet a true story. Happening in modern India, in contemporary times. Such a horrible experience that for a few minutes my eyeballs came out of the sockets - simply by the very nature of the content.

Ah, what is it? Here it goes, But let me warn you, please make sure you have a strong heart.

"Utter pradesh Chief minister Mayawati has spent almost 3000 crore Rs. in building statues of herself and her mentors. This expenditure of money in a state which has - more than 5.8 crore people living below the poverty line, highest number of child labourers, less than 50 per cent electrified villages, lowest literacy rate of barely 57 per cent and highest maternal mortality as well as neo-natal mortality"

Poems (Only) for programmers !

1.
int i=0
char *gist
void *p
But where's my..
linked list ?

2.
C asked C++
How are you so
"rich" !
C++ smiled at
poor old C
"Oh, I just inherited it !"

3.
I can break the unix Shell
I can open Windows too
Why the hell in all textbooks
the function name is 'foo' ???

4.
This is just a poem
yet in beta release
version is 0.1.02
Don't read it -please.

A Harappan news paper

It's my pleasure to present you an ancient news paper, which was found by my friend and fellow archeologist Alobijakamuni Bibinapokanylija in a hidden chest which was excavated somewhere near the Taj Mahal and great river Yamuna on 21 April 2005. That certainly is another story, but I will at once move to the matter at hand.

So the ancient news paper was published in the Ancient city of Harappa at ancient times. The name of this news paper is "Aylaa". Scholars are yet debating over what it means, but our reliable friend (for name- refer above) conceives that is has something to do with the current Marathi language.

Here is the crux of the matter - a few news headlines for our readers!
SPORTS Section -
B-1 race tomorrow -
Let me reminds our readers that tomorrow after morning sun rise and '3 peacock' standard time, there shall be season's first B-1 race. All participating bullock carts are requested to surrender their bulls after moon rise and '4 owl' standard time. Failure to do so - would mean that the participant will NOT be given free food on any future occasion. Also no participant is allowed to consume tiger blood, goat liver juice or coconut shell powder. These are banned substances.
Regarding the free entries - Only 3 wives and 10 children allowed per person.
See you at the farm tomorrow !

Advertisements Section-
Famous black magician in city, don't miss the chance !
According to our sources, City's famous black magician - "kaaa laaa" is visiting us for a week. He will be seeking patients during his standard visiting hours - from midnight to 'a peacock before dawn'. Please bring your identity tree leafs for the discount. Rates /location is mentioned below-

Standard Black magic - 2 cows, a dog ( barking) and 23 coconuts with water inside.
Western special magic - 2 cows, a cat (barking like dog) and 21 mangos**
White magic - 2 cows (barking like a cat)**
Location - Old burial yard, central burial place.
**special discount on full moon and eclipse

Entertainment Section-
Criminal killing - a review
After many silent weekends, finally we had some fun! Last Friday, we had a criminal killing. The criminal was sentenced to death by stone pelting. And as you might have guessed, we had a full house. Stone sellers had a good business, certainly. As far as the actual performance goes, the murderer was a cold blooded man. Hardly a muscle on his face moved, let alone the melodrama. Plot was not that weak though, Police cried their heart out- a great lead performance llikes of which I haven't seen for many months. And the end - certainly the end was great suspense- as by mistake the assistant jailer was lynched by the mob in a tragic yet rare case of mistaken identity.
My rating - ***1/2
Watch this space for nex------------------------------------------
Unfortunately the newspaper ends here.
Friends, I have already requested to my friend (refer the name above) for more stuff, please be patient !


~ inspired by work of P. L. Deshpande

Not for faint hearted

Warning - The following work is just a pseudo-reality thing imagined by one and only myself at craziest hour of the day.

When I woke up the other morning, things were great. I said hello to the large praying mantis sleeping beside me. He nodded his plastic head with infinitesimally small force that allowed me to capture the motion within a jiffy. I am not sure whether this just meant- my dream ended abruptly or my mind refused to believe my room mate as a normal human being.

While brushing the teeth, tooth number 24 got stuck with the brush, and my fingers had to carry out the rescue operation. Number 24 was allowed to take paste bath twice, which is against my rule- every tooth gets the paste-bath only and only once. Never mind.

On the term breakfast - since this was a weekday- my brain pondered a bit. Within nanoseconds a report came from neurons - "Available inventory consisted nothing that could be readily used", it had a hint of remorse in it, which satisfied me. Proceeding with the proceedings, I decided to boil few-not-yet-moral-chicken-embryos (eggs) and turned the course to north west.

Bath was an registered event of the day, which involved ritualistic activities and a pleasure sensation of sensing the difference in the temperature. Once done, I solemnly completed the activity log by putting on some clothes.

While I was having bath, I had allowed the unhatched chickens in the bowl to have bath in more than hot water, and they were screaming now. Taking them out one by one, I tried to prepare a sandwich, if you want to know what is the official term for the thing, packed it in a plastic wrapper.

"Anything else, chief?", my brain asks, sensing its about get its morning break.
"No, thanks", says I and walk out of the house.

TCP Jayasurya and TCP Sachin !

This is a bit of a technical post - let me claim that first !

We have been working on the TCP ( transmission control protocol) in one of our courses this semester. One of the task assigned was to develop a "congestion control protocol".

Suppose you are downloading a file, then our protocol would make your life better ... you can download the file much faster etc etc etc .....
[Techies- I know FTP is involved. But I am talking at transport layer]

Scene : You are downloading an E-book of 10 MB. Here are few of our proposed "protocols"


1. TCP Jayasurya - Your download starts amazingly well, 5 MB within few milliseconds. But stops suddenly on its way, before you've realised !

2. TCP Ganguly - Your download is fast and good. But after looking at the e-book you realise that only pages on "offside" have been downloaded well, pages on left side are incomplete.

3. TCP Dravid - Have you started the download and still waiting in front of your machine? You can go for a movie and check after 3 hours. You would get the best quality e-book- ever !
Moreover , Larger the e-book- better the quality!

4. TCP Laxman - It is reported that this TCP works only with Australian e-books, and that too in very desperate scenarios. Else it just downloads few pages of e-book

5. TCP Yuvraj - Works with small size books. Generally used for downloading previews of ebooks.

6. TCP Agarkar - Please do not use this TCP for downloading. IT is a viral version which doesn't download anything.

7. TCP Kumble - Your link is very slow? still want to download ? Well, this TCP gives it a tough fight- till connection breaks down.

8. TCP Venkatesh Prasad - I think this would upload a file rather than downloading the existing file. Just neglect this as a rouge version of a TCP.

And last but not the least-

TCP Sachin - Your file gets downloaded within milliseconds. But such is the beauty of this protocol, that you feel like downloading another file .....

Useless !

There is this cartoon strip online.
It has technical- and mathematical humour.
I just loved this one - It shows a mathematician's (or any logical person's) perception of love :)

Couldn't resist the temptation .......

For complete archive -
http://xkcd.com/

K(S)now wh(ite)y and her 7 friends

There's this girl
This "poemish" blog is for her!
========================

Once there was a lil' child
she had seven friends!

Who n How n When n What
Where -why- which were their names!!

She used to play often with them
n they were her best pals :P
she wished she could use them more
at her onsite calls !!

To and fro she thought on things
till dizzy went her head,
se7en friends were still with her
Off she goes to bed!!

at times she asked why
"why'm like this?"
Why simply looked at her
n blew her naughty kiss :P

One could see the lil' girl
confused, "Ah, i'm a waste" :(
"naah" - said I at this point
I know she's still the best !!

Words

The visitor looked puzzled.
But he had seen nothing like this before. It was truly a strange place. "So they were not joking after all", he exclaimed to himself with a loud chuckle. "What a place ... What a place!", was the murmur a fly near him would have heard a thousand times.

"What is it !!", his patience was planning to leave him. "Ahoy,... anyone here?"
Visitor shouted at top of his voice. His voice echoed off the corners.
"Yes please. What do you seek here?", a sudden voice appeared behind him.
"Who are you?", visitor was clearly not ready for this.
"I am sudden." the voice said.
"What a name !"
"yes, it might appear strange to you, but "strange" can not appear here. He is with "busy".
"?? you alright?"
"No. Alright is a friend of mine". said the voice." you are in Words Cantonment. All words live here. You can find anyone here!".

"Oh that means i reached the place correctly !", the visitor rejoiced."Actually i am on a mission here.I wanted to explore this place".
"sure, let me call Omniscient.He can tell you everything." and sudden disappeared only to re appear with Omniscient - A wizardly looking man.

"Do all words live here?", asked the visitor.
"Yes. Almost all. There are places for them. Engineering, technology and their relatives live in the far eastern colony. They are joined by the science and her disciples.
Politics, sociology and their alliances live in the southern part.But the largest colony here is of Literature. It has spawned over many miles."

"What about the convicts, jail etc?"
"Words like Bastard, Fuck have been put in jail depending on their severity. And a few words have been put into life imprisonment".
"How about graveyard?"
"Well, words like Thou, Thee are placed in graveyard. There are a few other martyrs too. Very few have died early and even less were killed or murdered.", Wizard spoke.

"Ohh, that's sad. What do normal words do for living ?"
"We generally visit websites, authors, clerical staff. Major employers for us are students and children though. But student and children pose a danger too."

"Danger?", visitor found the term amusing.
"Oh yes. They make spelling mistakes. Our hospitals are always full. Certain words like "Practice","advice" are regular victims." Wizard had a gloomy look on his face." In the era of email, words are getting amputated heavily. People do not care to provide even nice working conditions for words anymore. Fortunately the advancement of technology - tools like spell check exist which are miracle medicines for words."

"Oh, yes", said the visitor.
"Anyways, what brings you here?", inquired the Wizard.
"Well, I was in search of a few words. Can you please tell me where to find them? I know they'll be here.", Visitor looked hopeful.
"Sure, whom would you like to meet ?"asked the Wizard.
"Truth, Honesty, non- violence to name a few."
"Well, Then you need to go into the Museum. They are extinct now.", exclaimed the Wizard.